Rough Outlines and a Life Plan

Before I launch into this today, I should explain what exactly I'm doing. For posterity, I suppose.

I have a Dell Inspiron 5100 laptop named Parnassus Jr. It was a graduation present, which means I've had it a little less than two years, and it's a great machine except for the fact that it decided to contract a deadly virus shortly after the warranty ran out. So I can turn it on but can't access windows, which means I can't access any of my files. I get it fixed over Thanksgiving break, but there's a great probability that fixing it will require me to wipe the harddrive, which means I will lose all of my files. This is particularly unfortunate as I have the first quarter or so of a novel which has been my baby for approximately a year and which I have high prospects for.

But there is still hope! I have a small tape recorder which I won from a game of chance at a local arcade, and into which I have given myself small notes and reminders and ideas as they come to me. Between this and my memory of the chapters I've finished, I can piece together a working outline from which I can attempt to pull together and re-write the lost manuscript, in addition to piecing together a book proposal so I can get it published soon. And so the remainder of this post will be a rough working outline for my own benefit, so I can come back to it and write in the gaps.

1. The story opens with Davin chastising Randy for being reckless; "Pink hair, Randy? Pink?!" and dressing his wounds. Zoe comes in, and there is a conversation between the three of them that sets up a rough view of the politics and introduces the main conflicts. Randy borrows Davin's clothes and leaves, and Davin realizes how distanced he is from his sister as she leaves to do homework and he watches the evening news.

2. The second chapter, Davin goes to classes in the morning; Zoe is gone when he wakes up, and he stumbles to Journalism in a sort of daze, trying to avoid the CSG solicitors and ending up with a brochure stuffed in his hand anyway. Once in journalism, the assignment requires the reading of the newspaper to critique it on established criterion--when a particular article catches his eye. A group of LMH-connected terrorists have been apprehended for the arson of the New Light Baptist Church. As Davin reads the article, he is approached by Julian, who says under his breath that there was more to the story--and mentions his sister, who worked at a planned parenthood that had been ransacked earlier, and how this may have been connected to New Light. Additionally, the paper highlights the beginnings of an important theme--the prevalence of vigilantes, and their symbiotic connection with the Coalition. Davin uncomfortably tries to get away from Julian, despite the fact that he seems to be some sort of kindred spirit, and manages to break away alone at the end of class as he goes to get coffee.

3. Davin gets coffee before his next class and sits pondering life and the CSG brochure he's found in his pocket; you get a quiet glimpse of some of his past, and the vaguest hints of discord with his father. Also, the strife between the West Coast and the rest of the US is introduced, and its personal tie-in with Davin's mother. Finally, Davin starts of for Math and notices a car with a bumper sticker from the last free election between Jon Madson and Ezra Lynch, a Madson bumper sticker. He notes that this is rather risque, and then, to cover himself, mutters beneath his breath "unpatriotic bastard" and sets off for Math wondering who was stupid enough to do that.

4. In math, we are introduced to Christina, his tutor; Davin is unnerved by the fact that she seems incredibly interested in him. He feels paranoid, as though being watched, especially considering her obvious religious bent. Give this the proper weight as an introduction, then a summary of his other classes until his biology lab gets out. As he's leaving, he finds the same car in the parking lot, being destroyed by a bunch of vigilantes. He watches from the shadows, and leaves afterwards.

5. Davin has Biology the next morning, and there's a problem with the material as they are now covering evolution. Evolution is a topic that was banned in highschools, and there is great controversy about it in college. While in Bio, we become acquainted with Jo, a member of The Underground who is also clearly rebellious but in a less-reckless way than Randy. Jo gives Davin a music-compilation of "oldies", political music from the 1980's, 90's, and 2000's, as he has a soft spot for it. This will come up and be useful later, so give it the proper weight.

6. Davin meets up with Julian again, and after Julian embarrasses and threatens their safety in the Cub (by mentioning who 'they' are, and mentioning his family's ties to the Liberal Military, and the destruction of his car the night before) they end up going for a walk and hole up behind the library in the faculty parking lot. There they get into an argument, which runs parallel to Davin's focusing on the mundane detail of a bumper sticker (honk if you understand punctuated equilibrium) on the back of a black volkswagon (ironically, the car of their bio professor). Punctuated equilibrium becomes an extended metaphor for the entire political warfare, and Davin and Julian are left at a standstill where neither is sure if they can be trusted or not.

7. A quick foray into Davin's workplace, the campus library, and exactly what sort of controls the government exerts on their life. An extensive detailing of the book-regulation system, with what books are 'monitored', and who does the monitoring. After his day of work is finished, Randy and Zoe appear to take him to the Underground meeting.

...This catches us up with where the manuscript is now.

8. The Underground meeting is tumultuous and vaguely unproductive. There is a short introduction to the mis-matched group who are part of it, and they end up discussing the arson and the world scene. There is a liberal paper who someone will have gotten their hands on in some contraband manner that they will read, and all of this information culminates in the discussion of the fact that there are, in fact, other Liberals out there who are not connected to The Underground. This will start an argument as to whether or not The Underground should start looking for these rogue liberals as new members, or if they'd be best without them. As part of this, Davin will point out Julian, and mention the discussion he got into; he'll explain that Julian knows a little about him but not enough to tie him to anyhing yet and that as far as he knows Julian will be too scared to say anything to the authorities--but also that he doesn't believe they should let people like Julian into the Underground because it would be too dangerous. This plants the seeds of what will ultimately cause the climax of the story: there is a rift in The Underground between the people who favor peaceful resistance and the people who want to perform actual acts of terrorism. They leave the meeting rather flustered.

9. Davin, upset over the Underground meeting, ends up stumbling across a gathering of the CSG, and is watching it in the shadows, utterly entranced by the concept. He's attracted to it by a certain morbid curiosity, and seems half-tempted to go join in but of course hangs back. He catches a glimpse of Christina the math tutor, and thinks she's met his eyes; he slinks into the darkness before he's identified, and is incredibly confused.

10. Davin will have some excuse to be somewhere late at night, and come across a horrifying scene--Julian, cornered by a number of vigilantes, putting up a fight. Davin will be torn about potentially trying to help him, but cannot help him--perhaps he has Zoe with him and can't risk her safety. Julian is making a scene, and a pair of Coalition members fade in from apparently nowhere--such is the eternal creepiness of their nature--and begin to arrest him. He puts up a fight, screaming at them, resisting arrest, and ends up being shot in the head by an officer, after which his body is drug off and the crime scene is cleaned up. This is the first real, solid introduction to The Coalition, and needs to be as utterly creepy and unnerving as possible. Also, it shadows a later scene wherein Christina will play a large role.

All right, that leads me a little way in--as far as I have concretely planned. Now then, the Davin/Christina romance arc:

1. Christina is watching him from math class, very intently. Davin is unnerved by this at first, and when he mentions it to Zoe, she scoffs at him for not realizing that she's attracted to him.
2. She notices his CD and asks if she can listen, and he, not wanting to draw attention to himself by refusing, allows her; she really likes it, which is a brow-quirking moment.
3. They keep nearly-brushing as Davin watches all of the numerous CSG meetings (he's an observational junkie), and he has an investigative eye on it.
4. She approaches him at one meeting, and is like, "hey, I've seen you around, blah blah" which causes some tension as he tries to evade her...
5. ...she's insistent, and ends up calling him--she knows his contact info through the math class, and can use it to her advantage. he feels sort of threatened and ends up going out with her to appease her and stop her from questioning him so much so he can keep his friends safe.
6. They have a while of dating, mostly him dodging around at all of her CSG events and trying to find his place in the world. They get along surprisingly well after awhile, and once they start learning more and more about each other he starts to feel more and more for her.
7. Randy is backed into a corner by vigilantes and Davin stands by waiting for them to leave so he can dive in for his friend's assistance; Christina comes by and asks him what he's doing, why he isn't helping, and goes to rescue Randy. Davin thinks this is impeccably cool, and Randy immediately puts up his distrustful guard.
8. Christina ends up driving a wedge between Davin and Randy, and ultimately the rest of Davin's lifestyle; he starts accepting her lifestyle because he's falling in love with her and because it's all so much simpler.
9. Davin's turned his back entirely on The Underground, and is taken to a dark place as a character; then he's given news of his mother's death, and has to go to California to retrieve her stuff--something he has an incredibly difficult time dealing with at first, especially when he gets back. He has a hard time reconciling what he's seen and making it work with he and Christina's new lifestyle and she cannot provide answers. He's bitterly confused yet again, and it's worse this time because he'd thought he had everyting worked out.
10. Randy is killed by the Coalition, and Davin's heart is shattered. He goes to Christina, seeking comfort, and she asks him why the Coalition would do such a thing--rationalizes that Randy must have deserved it. "But...why are you sad? he was a bad man, wasn't he?" Which sends Davin back to The Underground, now incredibly confused and angered.
11. We figure out that Christina's ratted Davin out and is working under cover for the Coalition, and is leading a destructive party against The Underground; they, meanwhile, are launching a blind retaliation attack on the CSG in remorse of Randy. Davin can't decide which side is worse--he has loyalties to both and is disgusted by both and doesn't see the reasoning behind any of it--and so he ends up just turning around and leaving, abandoning all of it. Climax!

If it was good enough for Bradbury...

When Ray Bradbury was writing Fahrenheit 451, he had no income, home typewriter, or office. He'd go every day to the public library and type the copy one ten-cent page at a time on the library typewriter, and hope to god that it was good because he couldn't afford to rewrite it. Sure, there were glaring holes in the narrative, but the story still went on to become one of the biggest players in literary history, something people just fell in love with and are entranced with, something people still point to as an example of good literature.

I can use a word processor, save documents to my email account, and print for free in the computer lab--really, in comparison, I'm in better shape than Ray. And if he can do it, so can I. Theoretically.

I went to the aforementioned computer lab awhile back to do some writing. Brought with me my tape recorder, which has all of the random snippets of ideas and thoughts I've been getting about my current novel project, and some headphones so I could listen. And nothing happened. Don't know why--I just couldn't get anything written down. It really bothers me that I have no idea if the first part of the manuscript still exists or not. I don't think I'll be able to write any more until I get my computer back and see if I even have anything. Ah well.

Had an epiphany last night. A stupid epiphany, albeit, but worth mentioning here I suppose. I was listening to my roommate watch the sequel to Homeward Bound and it occurred to me why it is that almost all sequels always seem a little hollow, seem to flop no matter how the acting or writing is.

The purpose of fiction, if you could give it that, is to show some sort of growth. The characters need to be in a different place emotionally than they were at the beginning of the story; they need to have grown. Or, if they didn't grow, it needs to be created so that their lack of growth makes a larger statement about the nature of the world. Without that personal change, there is no story. Well, the thing is, in order to make a sequel, you have to send the characters through a similar situation--which means they have to start the sequel in a different emotional place than they ended the original. If they had kept the wisdom they'd gained in the first installment, they'd have never gotten into the situation of the second. Because of this, the viewers or readers sense something sort of off, sense being gypped of an emotional journey--and because we presuppose their journey, the sequel always plays off as a pale imitation of the original because it is at its most basic the same journey. Characters are created to go on a specific journey, and after they've made the full circle, they lose some of their depth; that's just the nature of fictional people.

Any thoughts on my hypothesis?

In the beginning, there was nothing

"In the beginning, there was nothing.
Then God said 'Let there be light!'
And there was still nothing.
But everybody could see it."
--MutedFaith.com

I suppose I should open this with a little bit of information about myself, no? Or at least the self of whom you will see in this little blog.

I am a writer. At the time of this entry, I am 18 and a college sophomore, an English major with a double minor in business writing and journalism. That's all mostly fancy talk--I haven't done any of those things yet. I'm a recently-reformed ag major; the old passion of my life was animals, and veterinary medicine. I realized after years of striving after this goal that it was the wrong thing for me to be following, and finally parted with my life's dream. The idea was that I could use the natural talents I have to work toward my eventual goals and dreams, rather than work against the few natural abilities I have been gifted with to do a number of things I hate in hopes that I will someday come to love it. There is no shame in admitting that I cannot academically cut a preveterinary program; there is no arrogance in admitting that I have a natural talent with words. I speak only the truth of my situation.

I think I made the right choice, however painful it was to reach it. I felt liberated when I made the decision; everyone who knows or cares for me is happy that I changed. They see that it makes me happy, happier than I ever was. For once, I can finally claim to be on the right path.

So that circles back to the original question--who am I?

I've been writing fiction for roughly half of my life. It is a passion for me, and more than that, it is a way of life. I view the world through the eyes of one seeking to isolate and investigate experiences in order to reframe them and produce them in an orderly manner for metaphorical impact. My life is a recycling system--input, analyze, reorder, create. There is nothing I can come into contact with which I do not try to comprehend on a deeper level, take apart so that I may be able to recreate it for my own purposes. This way of looking at the world is both a delight and a curse; the stress it has caused me in some situations has been nearly unbearable. There is only so much in life that can withstand the harsh analysis of a writer's mind; sometimes I wonder if this is why so many authors in history seemed to be so very lonely.

It evens out, eventually, however. Analyzing the world not only provides me with endless opportunties and experiences to create upon, it has also sharpened my understanding of the world. To deeply comprehend fiction is to take a look at a part of life experience which nobody ever seems to understand. It reads almost like some sort of closed-circuit telepathy; you understand the mechanics of a situation so well that you know with a sort of dread certainty what the outcome will have to be. It's just something you have to come to understand and accept. Being a writer makes you realize that there is no experience without pain, and that if stretched far enough into the future all existance will come to a violent farewell--the great challenge is to accept this entropy and allow yourself just to feel, just to experience, to trust in the day by day and forsake the future, trusting only that you will survive the moment. That is all life requires of you.

Otherwise, I'm breaking into the freelance market. My theory is that if I can't survive vet school, I can still apply myself to helping animals through those markets; I will try to write for animal rights issues, and anything else that will take me. It's all about that closed circle of experience, writing, life, experience. I go out into the world and experience something, which I then write about, send it off, and gain new experience through the process. This new experience changes the way I act, which in turn changes the things I experience. It's such a beautiful system. I love it.

Is there more I can ramble about? most certainly; I have spent so much of my life in isolation that I could talk incessantly for years to catch up. This may be another reason I'm a writer. I'd like to think my life was relatively interesting; I'd like to think I had plenty to say. Yet when I find myself in a group, I tend to forfeit my microphone to the others, allow them time in the light to speak when I am aching to express myself. I do this from politeness, and also for that eternal ache to see and learn and understand and experience; my own life is not enough. I want to be able to understand, analyze, dissect and regurgitate the life experiences of everyone I come into contact with.

I suppose one is curious as to what, exactly, will go into this little journal. That's simple enough: the snippets of my writing life that I find particularly important but cannot share with another audience. I have a personal journal; this is not for that. Nor is this for the so-called "Rants", the philisophical jabber that occasionally comes from me in a metaphorical context, though some of these may find their way here. No, this is a place to follow my writing life, chronicle my stories and keep close tabs on what they're doing. This is where I'll give updates on what I've written, where I'm blocked, what I'll explore next. This is where I'll say who's looking at what manuscript, where I'll pour out my heart at rejection and rejoice with acceptance. And anything else that seems pertinent in the meanwhile.

Another thing that may prove important: I am obsessed with music and quotations. Indeed, much of my inspiration comes from lyrics, and I give credit where they are do. Most of these entries that deal with something nebulous and theoretical will open with some form of quote or one-liner. Deal with it.

In closing...an explanation of the username "Jaded Enlightenment". This is an important concept to me. As far as I know, it's a term I coined to explain a life experience we all go through. Jaded Enlightenment is the climax of a coming-of-age; it is that moment, that bitter moment in your life, where you lose enough of your childhood to realize there's no going back. Jaded Enlightenment is when you give up innocence and happiness for knowledge and responsibility. It's when you're forced to grow up, and no matter how hard you try to revert to your former status, you'll only be a shady imitation. It's sad, it's heartbreaking, but it's also liberating and a thing which we cannot live without; it is a rite of passage that we all will go through at some point, and will all survive, if in a different form than before. As a dear friend of mine says, "We will Phoenix from this." Jaded Enlightenment is the fire that will produce the ashes of your egg.

Now, my children--come with me, for I have things to show you.